I have two parenting philosophies that guide me as I raise my daughter. One, I will do the best job i can and pay for therapy later for whatever I screw up. Two, Its 0ur job, as her parents to set the bar for her. How high (or low) we set the bar will determine how far she will go in life. I believe in setting the bar pretty high for both myself and her. I have learned from experience that one’s achievments match the amount of work one applies. My daughter is named Darby. It means free spirit in Welsh. And no, we arent Welsh. That is what my husband and I wanted, a free spirit. We wanted a child who marched to the beat of her own drum, who was a leader not a follower and who was independent. Talk about setting the bar high for yourself as a parent! All those qualities that create a free spirit, a leader,a trend setter and an independent person are not always easy to nurture or manage in a child.
A book that saved my life, my marriage and my relationship with my daughter is called “Raising your Sprited Child”. It gave me so many tools and tips to manage my daughter’s personality and honestly, my own personality as well. When you are in a store with a child who is mid temper tantrum and you realize you are looking in a mirror thats a sobering day. But to quote an old therapist of mine “to be forewarned is to be forearmed.” Darby gets car sick but a full stomach helps alleviate it so we always travel with snacks, gum and drinks. She has trouble transitioning from one event to the next and frankly so do I. We dont just do a 10 minute warning before its time to leave somewhere. We do a 20 minute warning then a 15 minute warning then 10 and so on until its one minute. It helps both of us transition out of one place and on to the next place. Maybe she’s so tired of me interrupting her she is glad to go I dont know but it works.
Setting the bar applies to her behavior as well. When we are heading to a party or get together I will say to her your behavior now determines whether we come back or get invited back. And she knows I mean it. If someplace is too difficult to visit; she doesnt behave properlyor listen well she knows it won’t happen again. She is an only child so that is easier to put into practice. She also knows we will do anything for her. This year she took an interest in acting in local plays. She really did quite a good job acting so I have signed her up for a theatre workshop this summer. I dont know if it will go any farther than that but its money well spent as far as we are concerned. Encouraging your child to be all they can be is important but showing them how to get there and giving them the tools is paramount to the success.
Set the bar, provide the tools , know yourself and your child and you and they can fly over that bar and hit the stars!
